Not since my first trip to King’s Island when I was, what, four or five years old have I felt utterly unprepared for what I’m about to experience. Trying to plan and pack for every contingency that could play out was impossible. I know I’m staying in three different spots, starting with Port au Prince, but I know nothing of these places. Google yielded no results for the hotel I’m staying at or one night.

That may or may not be a good sign.

The hurricane with which I share my name is evidently veering north away from Haiti. Part of me is disappointed. How many times does someone get to come face to face with an eponymous hurricane? If Bill the hurricane would have won, there’s no doubt I would have made the CNN homepage; one of those headlines you can get a t-shirt made of.

A quick aside for those gluten-free readers: American offers no GF meals for purchase. In fact, no item within their meal packs is even vaguely GF. I’ll put that $6 toward surgery for coach-length legs.

Speaking of. Time to stretch.